I have no clue why I drink. You'd think would cause some kind of inebriation. It's just harder to keep my eyes all the way open, and that might even just be from the weed, the fact I only got like four hours of sleep last night and have spent like 15 hours of the past week or so driving which I find incredibly exhausting. I'm really starting to think with the more frequent prolonged dissociative episodes I've been drinking/using more than I realize because having this much used to make me lay on the floor all day and totally lose any ability to think, even without the other substances I've used today (which were also enough that I'd expect to have a much more significant impact than they had). A cop even passed me when I was on my way to the dollar store and didn't even talk to me about public intoxication after most of my AM substance abuse. wtf? Did he not care or was it not obvious? It's not the most crime ridden area of the state, not like they don't have better things to do. Even the guy at the liquor store yesterday didn't card me. At the smaller stores (further from the border, maybe that has something to do with it? I'd think it the opposite) they used to always card. Do they not care or do they know me?

Maybe if I use hours of the day actually sleeping, showering, eating, I don't know walking dogs or some crap I wouldn't spend my days gertting high, drunk, binging & purging, sleeping with people other than my partner, or SHing in the traditional ways. I do think I have a "part" whether in a DID way or a regular just way everybody gets that wants to avoid the feels of trauma in these ways that is especially strong causing me to struggle with all this. Just gotten work with that part somehow.