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I've never had a massage but am not sure I would like it. I don't think I'd like a stranger pawing over my body.

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Exactly! I don't know this opportunity/challenge being dump on my lap at this very moment is just too much. I think I have several ego states battling in my head right now. The professional state is saying go for it. It will enhance your clinical skills and enrich your teaching, increase your department service, placate your chair who has been on your butt to publish and present more, you need to take this opportunity. Then there is the emotional state that is saying NOT, you are going to be in a state of rigor the whole time, you are going to be up at night chasing your shadow again, it is going to be too intense, to intimate, you are simply not going to do it. Then of course there are the body image thoughts as well... In undergraduate school you had trouble enduring this situation and were less exposed and a nicely proportioned 110 pound 20 year old. Now you are in your 40's and not so nicely proportioned.

I know it is just a bunch of mental noise but it is VERY LOUD right now.

I am scheduled to see my T once before the 1st course starts, but I need to commit and register before then. I wonder if going to class medicated would work. My luck I would then publicly flip out.