Thank you all for your messages of support. It's hard to stay positive when I have no future to be hopeful. Even after I get off the psych ward and complete drug treatment, I will still have no hope for the future. I will still be stuck in the same crappy apartment and the same dead end job. I will still have no friends and effectively no family apart from my mother. I am too old and too far gone to make genuine change possible.

The psych ward is absolutely intolerable. It's not the cabin fever, it's the inconsistent enforcement of the rules that aggravates me. One nurse will tell me something's allowed, then three days later another nurse will tell me it's not. Earlier, nurses allowed me to keep outside food and drink in my room, but just tonight the nurse told me I have to leave it with them and ask every time I want some.

And the staff here have already lost at least one piece of property of mine—an asthma inhaler they confiscated for no reason when I arrived. I had an asthma attack the other day and I had to wait an hour and a half while they filled an emergency prescription from the hospital pharmacy. That's an hour and a half I could barely breathe. I haven't had an attack in many years because I keep my inhaler on me everywhere I go; as soon as symptoms manifest even slightly I take two puffs and it's fine. But no, can't do that here. They just have to take a simple salbutamol inhaler from me, even though you can't get high off it and no one would ever steal it.