Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76
You are in a tough spot. That future mother-in-law is going to be a perpetual source of grief to everyone around her. Your fiancee and his mother are "a package deal" - if you take one, you get both. MIL has had years and years to brainwash and train her son into catering to her evil moods. He's going to always be trying to please her and trying to make you please her. Problem is: she can't be satisfied. So being around her will cause your fiancee and you endless frustration.
This woman sees you as a rival. She resents the affection her son has for you. She figures you're taking her son away from her. A person like that is a trouble maker . . . and she's unlikely to ever change. That's why I say that you're in a tough spot.
You have absolutely no obligation to like this woman, but you are obligated to try and be courteous around her. So try to always say, "Hi." - went you enter into her presence, regardless of what mood she's in. Then, at least, you've done the correct thing. How she responds is on her. It's not your responsibility to make this lady happy, which is most likely impossible.
Don't get between mother and son. That's a no-win situation. Your fiancee is a grown man. He can physically handle his mother. It's not your place to try and stop her from hitting him. You do have a right to walk out of a room where that kind of nonsense is going on, which I recommend you do. You can even walk out of the house. This woman likes an audience. Don't be in the audience.
You need to make an intense study of how to set and maintain boundaries. I highly recommend you find a therapist to help you with that, or at least start reading and watching videos on that subject.
Do not stay around this woman, if she starts to physically assault you. Leave! Walk away. Tell your fiancee that you will not remain in that woman's presence when she becomes physically threatening. That's your right and your responsibility. If he argues with you, say that this is not negotiable. I'm holding out the hope that your fiancee will learn from your good example.
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Thank you for reading my message, I really appreciate your time to reading it thank you
Yeah I do agree the MIL is a perpetual of everyone grief. Her husband avoids her I think. He now mainly lives overseas and only comes at Christmas for 3 weeks.
I been there where she would pick on her husband and he be just chilling on the sofa and she would say "Get Up Fat Buddha can't go and hang those tea towels". My fiancee brother told me how once when he was a little boy he didn't want to eat his vegtables like any kid would do. So then his mum got a container of ice cream and force him to eat it all, because he didn't want to eat his vegtables.
My fiancee, told me when he was age 7 he held a knife to his stomach because his mum upsetted him and had many sudcial attempts. His last one well it was more a thought he had, was when I was with him because his mum upsetted him. When her brother's wife was staying during lockdown she would make fun of her how she vaccumed. And then would listen to what she was saying on the phone by putting her ear against the door. At the end the her brother's wife and her has a huge fight and she left and rented somewhere until her husband came overseas after lockdown.
So yeah I agree she is a grief to everyone.
It is very sad cause clearly she needs therapy.
Yeah she did say once to me how she doesnt want her boys to date anyone so she doesnt have to worry, and they can look after her. What is even more bizarre his brother said "Dont worry mum, I will always be your first girlfriend".
I'm stuck in this part. When you tell me not to get involved with his mum and him. Do you mean I should've jist left him to be hit by his mum?
I am currently seeing a therapist, but I dont know if she is skilled in family dynamics like this or be able to help.