I'm having a very hard time. I feel so bad for my brother. If only he could have believed how much I cared about him.

I'm sorry for how much he suffered. He was very lonely. He drove people away from him. He made bad decisions. I still loved him.

I'm very lonely myself right now. I've been working on that. I've been finding activities. I went to a neighborhood meeting and decided I would volunteer at the next meeting. That's my plan for overcoming the depression that grips me so often. A lot of it is way too much aloneness. My brother was fighting the same problem, but he chose all the wrong ways of doing that. He really doomed himself.

I'm more sensible. Still, I'm having a real hard time right now. I wish I were not alone.