Thank you, Deejay. It's true that human behavior is never totally predictable. I think it's best to not have real specific expectations. Better to stay loose and flexible and deal with what comes up, as it comes up. My main need is to avoid reacting too fast and remember that "no reaction" is always an option and sometimes the best one.

I know this is a holiday weekend and people have family doings to enjoy. I'll continue being alone and may come here to post. Not because I expect constant attention. It helps me to make a record of what's going on. It helps me take a look at myself and my approach and how it is or isn't working for me.

Me being alone is something I can do a lot about. I've started and I'm committed to it. I see the psychologist about once a month. That's what we focus on: what am I doing to make connections? The centerpiece of my program is a daily calendar where I am trying to lay out plans of what I have decided to do. I have to do better at that. Otherwise, I just fritter away hours and hours, doing nothing that I get real satisfaction from. My goal is to do more planning and hold myself accountable for following through. That's where the psychologist has a role. I need him to hold my feet to the fire a bit. I don't need a therapist to soft-soap me, give me affirmations or tell me how I'm trying and need to get credit for my efforts. I give myself plenty of credit. But I need to not persevere doing what doesn't work. When I talk out loud about what I'm doing, it's clearer where I've been dropping the ball.

I hate that I've been all alone for days, but I planned nothing, so here I am. I don't have to live so isolated.

This death of my brother happened and I was not expecting this. Now that I've got the arrangements in place, grief just came crashing down on me. He's gone, and that's final. He was such a talker. Now he will be silent. I almost can't even believe it. My life is too full of silence, except for the tinnitis. That seems to get worse and worse. I need to start thinking about a hearing aid.

I just have to get thru a few more days. Then I'll be on the plane. Then events will carry me along. Then I'll come back and work on my program to bust out of the shell I tend to be in. Next a warm soak in the tub. Tomorrow I must get out of this house. Maybe find an Al-Anon meeting to attend. I have to find people to be with.

It may work out that my family will be nice, and my visit may go just fine. I'll probably keep it shorter than I was considering. My cousin called again this eve, which I really appreciated. I would like to stay with her for a few days. Maybe I can work that in. Now I'm tired.