Hi,
I am well into my thirties and having issues where my mother oversteps the line, makes insulting remarks about my boyfriend (never to his face), and it gets me to the point where I just blow up. Nothing seems to deter her. My mom seems to think he should be doing more around the house (we don't even yet live together... he's moving in soon), makes comments about my house not being up to her standards, said something like he's "useless." He might not be super handy or the most organized and on top of things, but he makes up for it in different areas that are more of a priority to me and is such a wonderful person.

I can tell my boyfriend has picked up on the fact that my mom is that way, although she has not directly said anything, and he even said he can tell there's potential for conflict between the two of them at some point. They are alike as far as some interests, but opposite when it comes to what they prioritize, and my mother is possibly undiagnosed OCPD (according to my therapist).

I feel I try to set boundaries, but it does not work. I don't want to get to the point of screaming and losing control and was wondering what the best way of approaching this situation would be? When it comes to other things, we generally have a good relationship, except for her tendency to be controlling in some ways. I want to be able to keep the relationship, but show her that it is not okay for her to make these remarks. One thing that is working is that I try to keep certain things to myself and not overshare.

This all just happened, but it is a pattern. I physically feel a reaction when fights like this blow up and was wondering if anyone has any suggestions on how to handle this.

Thank you