I'm sorry that I haven't replied sooner. It's a lot to think about. And now there's more to think about.
There's wasn't any sex in my parents house. It's been independently confirmed from both of them - the last time was about 1974. I grew up in an asexual household. Sex was bad, it was dirty and filthy and we NEVER EVER touch ourselves like that EVER AGAIN!!! So whatever it was that I shouldn't have been doing just ceased to exist. Poof. Problem solved. yeah, that was right around 1974, too.

There just WAS NO SEX of any kind. No reference, no information, NOTHING. So it was something I didn't have to worry about. If I'm asexual, then I've got it made.

But something went wrong. I had sex organs after all and it was really horrible. I'm still very disturbed, after all these years. My doctor tells me that what I feel doesn't have any basis in fact. He tells me that I've got a delusion, a psychotic break with my anatomical reality. I know it causes me a lot of distress, but it's more real to me than any "reality" people try to explain. I like doing it. I just don't like everything else that's attached. I'm never sure what's going to go wrong this time...

And I don't know how something can be real and not at the same time.