When i was fired the last time and pretty much had a breakdown from it and my family's treatment of me, i told my t i was "smalling my life."

Aside from avoiding extended family stuff where just really weird and painful stuff would happen - like a cousin saying evolution was "just a theory and a theory means it isnt true" - i just stopped. Contact felt like it physically hurt. Eventually even seeing my t hurt. I felt like, if i started screaming, i would never stop. At least i dont feel like that anymore, so the smalling worked.