My heart feels like it's not doing heart things properly right now. I checked my pulse yesterday and it was about 150bpm just kinda sitting there being a POS. I'm 27 though so max heart rate when exercising is supposed to be I think 193 and I was exercising processing substances so I guess that's good.

Told my T about doubting anybody cares about anybody without an alternative motive, and that I think the whole mental health field is a hoax to keep people from being independent. I can feel awful all by myself. Don't need to be labeled "bipolar, BPD, AUD, BN" for that. Obviously some people get "helped" by therapy, but that's all placebo effect. "I'm in therapy so I can try now." Doesn't work with me. For me it's more like "I'm in therapy so I can delude myself into thinking someone will help me build a life instead of destroying a life." Because that's more the truth. Not saying the placebo effect is bad for people that do mind struggles because it indirectly does help. Just doesn't work with people that see through that BS and question motives and validity of a process. Maybe I'm just too smart to be happy. Idk.