I am starting to feel it is fate to never discuss a certain "big" issue for me in therapy. Last November-December I tried without success to bring this issue to therapy. It is hard for me to bring up, and a couple of times, when T was willing to talk about it, we only had 5 minutes left, so I declined because the issue needed more time. He just wanted to talk about the divorce, the divorce, the divorce back then, and finally I just relented and gave up on this issue. It made my life more peaceful to not be worrying about it. One time I even asked T if I could have a special session just to talk about this issue, and he declined (that would have meant 2 sessions in one week, which perhaps he thought was excessive?). So I gave up. I felt like the writing was on the wall.

Now, months later, we had a bit of a lull in the therapy action, I was feeling good, not in need of his strong support. So last session I told him I didn't need a session the following week, and scheduled one for 15 days hence. The next day it occurred to me that now would be the perfect time to talk about "the issue," and I emailed him asking if I could have a session the following week after all, to discuss an important issue that would be helpful to talk about before my next legal meeting. Well, it has been 8 days, so I guess he didn't want to see me this week to discuss this issue. Legal meeting next week, no T session in between.

I think this issue is doomed to never be discussed. It seems like karma, and I should quit my ineffective attempts to bring this issue to the table, because I am never successful. I guess I really need to get a clue and give up. Yeah, and I don't like being ignored by T either, but who knows, maybe he had a death in the family or something and hasn't been answering his email. I was very brief in my email, simply asking if he had any sessions available, and if so, the times. I was not asking for online therapy. Sometimes I just can't figure out the "rules of engagement." I thought he preferred emails to phone calls. Just feeling a little bit ignored.... But I'm not feeling desperately upset. Just kind of like, yeah, whatever.