Making this a new post, as the other got quite long! He also commented recently that he wondered whether he'd made a mistake in telling me too early about the move. If it just gave me more time to feel sad.

I said I preferred that he told me when he did, that if he'd told me, say, at the same time he was getting rid of the couch, it would have been more upsetting to me, because I wouldn't have had much time to prepare. And that I might have felt a bit betrayed, which could have led to a big rupture. And then I'd have been trying to work through that at the same time as the move.

This way might be a bit more sad for me, but at least I have more time to prepare, talk through it, and try to figure out what might help (or not help) me to adjust.

It occurs to me that maybe it's tied to how my parents (my mom, mainly) tended to keep secrets from me, so his being more transparent helps with trust.