Sunrise,

I am not worried about giving a patient a massage. In fact as part of my current teaching load I present and demonstrate basic massage strokes as one part (technique) of a broader therapeutic interventions course. To become a CMT, I already have the most of the content knowledge. I need to take some hands-on courses specifically in massage/bodywork and to learn the philosophical basis for various techniques. I need some formal educational massage therapy courses to support my other coursework/experience and qualify to challenge the exam. This is still a developing field that has not yet fully defined itself. My state medical board does not currently regulate massage therapist but this regulation is coming, it just a matter of time.

I'm trying to figure out how exactly the massage therapy program run their courses. The school I am looking at appears to have peer laboratory sessions where new skills are taught and practiced on each other and then a practical exam/ assessment is done in a massage clinic that brings in clients to serve as models. I am not going to be able to avoid being touched. In fact, I am likely going to be touch at lot and that is considered part of the learning process.

I know I am likely making a big deal out of nothing, what's a several of days of being stress and uncomfortable--right. I guess I am just letting my brain run wild at the moment.

The thing is if I decide to do this, I'm going to do it 100%. That to me means learning not just the theory and techniques but also the experiencing its effects. It is the later that I'm not sure my mental state will handle.

I know that if I choose not to do this I will be allowing irrational fear to hinder my professional growth maybe even my personal growth too. I just don't want to risk getting overwhelmed, quiting and then looking even worse. Bottom line is I'm going to suffer mental misery either way.

Solairee... that back pain seems to be getting a little worse by the minute.
I don't think I should have posted my stupid mental rambling. Sunrise I thought about calling my T but I don't want her to deal with me in this state. I'll just get there and say, "never mind I'm just being stupid and letting my mind run wild again."