So I'm out of AP and it's out of my system. I don't want to go back on it. I'm not sleeping and having harmful thoughts. I don't have a t to talk about these things to. I can't tell h and Victoria's friends are coming Saturday. They are constant thoughts in my head but if I don't act on them I should be fine.

I want to become a raw vegan but first I have to detox my body but h will fight that. I can't do that on medication because you have to eat 500 cal. With it. Who knows how many carrots that is. It's also going to get in the way of visiting my parents as they won't approve.



I know this is a start down a very bad path but I want it so bad. If I just can keep my thoughts hidden. If I can get through these next 10 days then I'll be golden. Then I have a month break before I have to act again. My pdoc keeps a close eye on me and wants me to update him on any side effects. He was pretty mad I didn't get my meds last month. I don't want to tell him because honestly I don't want to be stopped from doing what I think is right for my body. I do know I can't do art on my body without being hospitalized so that's a deterrent. I feel these thoughts are the real me. **** blocking dopamine.

I'd say I'm not Sza but that would be a lie. Can't there be treatment without medication? I like my pdoc. I don't see him until July 1st but it's only 15 minutes I don't have the time to sort this out with him.