Lots of emotions from today. Right now, my anxiety has kicked in because I am working on plans to visit family. The only one who stresses me out is my mom. Since I was diagnosed with bipolar, almost every visit has triggered symptoms. Thankfully, I only see her once or twice a year.

I saw the gynecologist my pdoc referred me to today. Sadly, I do have to pay out of pocket. If they ran my insurance, I'd have to pay the out of network costs so they said it's actually cheaper to just pay out of pocket. The doctor clearly knows her stuff, gave me a lot of information about what to expect with the med she suggested (Sprintec), and was willing to prescribe it in a way where I don't take the placebo pills. Paying out of pocket for the med, even though it's the brand name, is dirt cheap at her office. Because of all the really bad, negative side effect experienced with antipsychotics, I have anxiety about starting about adding another med to my list.

Seeing a commercial for a bipolar depression med while in the waiting room, and a song I listen to a lot when experiencing bipolar depression symptoms coming on on my way home, both helped me remember through the anxiety that this very much is the next step/is worth a shot. For once, it feels like I'm taking control of this stupid disorder instead of it always controlling me.