I definitely believe in total abstinence for addicts, but that's why I like the idea of differentiating between "lapse" and "relapse." I have had definitive lapses that I wouldn't say are completely relapses, but I feel like I have to define them as a step back to sorta warn myself. Like looking out for early warning signs with bipolar to at least make an attempt to catch it before being completely absorbed by the addiction.

A couple months back when there was a ton of snow and ice on the ground I hiked to some remote waterfall with a buddy and once we got there we just dilly dallied around seeing the frozen water from different angles--ledges near the top, open area by the pool, half way up sorta next to it in the ravine, wherever--and on the way there we picked up a 6 pack of ginger beer (only 6% abv, and when I'm in the midst/towards the end of a bender it gets up to about 1/5th of vodka a day). We each had one at the waterfall and one when we got back to his house. That was the first time I drank in three months, and I did not drink again for another three-ish months, my motivation being staying at a homeless shelter that breathylizes everyone when they let you in, knowing full well I in theory could have a few in the morning and be able to pass by 7:30pm, but that in practice I definitely would not keep that up for long if at all. I wouldn't call the two drinks of fking ginger beer four hours apart a relapse, but it's definitely taking a step on a slippery slope.

I think this helps a bit when I'm in a somewhat decent headspace (don't have the eff-its). Calling it a relapse kinda makes me think "welp, already screwed up, if I'm going to relapse, I might as well keep it up" because saying plain ole' "relapse" doesn't really differentiate between a beer with a buddy or not going a day without drinking for months. Maybe it's the borderpolar in me trying to challenge all or nothing thinking and applying the levels of elevation in bipolar (I like saying "hyphy" (guess in addiction terms this is the urges/behaviors leading up to the actual drinking/using) before legitimate hypomania which I want to relate to a lapse possibly leading to the next step if I'm not careful, and then obviously mania after--serious relapse).

I guess there's no hard answer to when to start calling it a relapse, which kinda drives me nuts. I don't think I've drank more than twice in a week without spiraling towards daily binge drinking, so in reality in the situation there really is no middle ground to need to specify the line.