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Originally Posted by LadyShadow
Been a while since I checked in. I agree with others that social media has a way of taking folks aways from forums like this, and also COVID had brought a lot of people here that have just since disappeared. I remember years ago too, I loved being here and still do, but the crowd has definitely thinned out.
I am feeling pretty good overall. Having a really good time with my new boyfriend, who has helped me heal so much from my ex. I've stopped wondering on whether or not it was too soon to get into another relationship, but all I know is I am enjoying it, and enjoying sex a lot more than I ever had, which is unusual because like others have said, meds used to affect that a lot.
Sleep has been becoming an issue. Not that I feel mania, but being sober has honestly helped me feel certain feelings that I never could before. Even with my CPAP, I am averaging about 6 hours a night when I used to get a full 8. Life has slowed down as well, where things are becoming clearer about my future - I can't tell you guys enough about what it's like to be with someone who doesn't drink or smoke - I never realized how much of a difference it has made.
My doctor is discontinuing my Lithium. I have always feared that medicine, just because of the damage I know it causes. Someone else had mentioned Risperdone, I take 2mg at night, and I think that does the trick for me. It's a very helpful medicine.
Just overall, I feel really good. I did have an inclination to take a drink on Sunday though. I went to a funeral for a friend who was only 30 years old. I saw a lot of old friends, and even though it was really good to see them, being there and feeling all that sadness made me crave a drink, which I haven't in a long time. Came home and had some ice cream though and that helped, but I am very much aware that my addiction is still doing sit ups in the corner getting stronger while it's waiting for me to give in.
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If you need anecdotes on doing absolutely everything to stay sober with an addictive mindset, A month or so ago I said I'd have just one shot of fireball in a ginger ale with no problem. Ended up ditching the soda "because it's unhealthy" (addict logic haha). That one little shot led to three more that day, said I'd refrain and not fall down that slope right now, and then over the next month doing some fccked up shyt I do NOT want to write about right after when the shame is hitting hard to get about $300 worth of the cheapest strongest alcohol I could get (fun fact, NH doesn't have a sales tax on liquor, but a DTC fee of 8%). Not to mention bailing on plans/responsibilites, the obsessive thoughts getting wayyyy more intense than they were before that first drink, screwed up sleep, putting in so much effort into hiding both the drinking itself and the actions leading up to me actually obtaining it, losing a crap ton of trust in my new T, feeling like a failure, having absolutely no skill at controlling reactions to emotions, totally neglecting self-care... Spiraling significantly quicker each relapse and each time sobering up preventing the next relapse is harder I've noticed.
25% decrease in amount of hours is a bit though. How far into getting off lithium are you?