@ChickenNoodleSoup thank you for your understanding about my issues and not making me feel ashamed of it. You are right when you say I'm open to speak about them in therapy, it's just hard to get the words out but I'm totally up for it.
Also, in response to what @CANDC said about the focus shifting from getting things out from therapy to feeding the fantasies, I'm still focused on therapy in the therapy room for now. It's mostly when the setting changes ( for instance in public places for therapy)that my brain "gets confused" about the nature of the relationship as if the fact that we are outside makes it easier to think we are "hanging out" until i'm back to the reality of the room. As soon as I leave the room the fantasy kicks in, but not when in the room.