New rumour about me, I heard from the family grapevine. Apparently I secretly got married that’s why I don’t come to visit.

I was this on a phone call today with my mother today. I ordered bowls for her. They sent the wrong ones. The company arranged for a courier to come collect them from the house and my father was shouting at me in the background which made me cry. It triggered huge self harm feelings which I haven’t felt for donkey years. All he would have to do would be to seal bowls in the box them came and hand them over.

The reason I don’t go home to visit when I’ve had multiple chances to do so, is because I’ve never felt it to be a home. I don’t want myself esteem to be chipped down even further than it already is.