Can relate (wholeheartedly) to what you've shared here with being "so depressed and got no fight left in me", as these last few weeks (years, if im being 1000% honest), with these uncontrollable emotions and feelings of inadequacy, has been so - BEYOND - encompassing and soul-crushing.
Doesn't help there are no solutions on how to break the cycle, much less having anyone to turn to, other than being trapped within these four walls 24/7 (never mind the flip side of that coin, staying emphatically isolated and reclusive as so you're not a burden on anyone else).
It's summer here in Alaska, however, think I've only been out of the house 4 or 5 times (or for that matter even seen the sun/ daylight) in the last 6 months. Feels like I'm only existing waiting to hopefully die in my sleep.
Hope Happy Days are in your immediate future. Big Genuine Sympathy (((Huggs))).