I've hit a bit of a roadblock with this chapter. I started it three days ago and I set a self-imposed deadline of today. But it's likely to take another two days. I've set a revised goal of 50,000 words before I enter residential treatment, which should happen over the next 2-3 weeks. I'm at nearly 30,000 words, and with little else to do during the days I should be able to reach it.

Until then, I'm very sad every now and then. It comes on randomly and it strikes very hard. I feel so alone. I crave emotional intimacy and real relationships, but I am incapable of achieving them. It has been a very long time since I was in anything that remotely resembled a relationship or had any friends. I am hopelessly inadequate compared to everyone around me; what they seem to manage so effortlessly is impossible for me. Everyone else seems to be able to scale the tallest mountains with ease, while I'm all but completely incapable of walking up a gently-sloped hill. And there's no way this is ever going to change.