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I don't exactly know "how long I've been sick." When I was in elementary school, if I saw anyone they probably would've labeled me with ODD even if I was just an emotional person who could think for myself. I've been probably a little more anxious than the average person for as long as I could remember. Around 11 is when the shyt hit the fan and the trauma effects started setting in and the anxiety from intensified trauma got worse. 16 is when the depression hit and steadily got worse over the next year or two and I hit psychosis (this is the point I started frequently using drugs). I didn't have my first manic episode until I was 17. So really it depends on your definition of "sick."
I've read that meds make BPD worse
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Wow, you've been thru a lot. Do you live in a rural area? What's ODD?
I've never been psychotic even though I've taken every anti-psychotic and they have horrible side effects and do absolutely nothing. (Drs didn't know what to do with me so they gave me anti-psychotics ie. Haldol, Loxitane which gave me horrible akathesia in the hospital). And I begged my Dr to give me something one day in the hospital and he gave me thorazine which almost killed me. He quit the hospital and they gave me a horrible Chinese resident and he yelled at me the 3rd time I saw him because I said I was anxious. He threw his book down and said "Why do you always say you're anxious?" Then he put me on stelazine which was horrendous and didn't help. And all of this was in the best and oldest psych hospital in the USA in the 90's in Philly. Another wacked-out Dr when I saw him the 1st time said "Your anxiety is almost psychotic and you're a shmuck!" And he said and did other nasty things to me and eventually he lost his license in 3 States. And the psychologist in the Philly hospital just stared at me every day for 3 mths and didn't say one word. I was inpatient for 3 mths and spent the entire time in bad and felt absolutely horrible. The staff ignored me the entire time.
Hang in there.
Anti-depressants can make you manic if you're bipolar. Dr I saw 20 yrs ago said I was BP and refused to give me AD's and put me on every mood stabilizer for 3 yrs which did nothing and I was on lithium for 15 yrs and it did nothing.