Telling others about an issue is risky business. They can respond in a way that is invalidating and hurtful. It's happened to me. I only know of one way to protect myself: There are certain people to whom I just don't say certain things.

I battle recurring depression. One of my sisters has always responded to me in a very condescending way. She'll say, "You just make yourself that way." or "You just need to stop dwelling on negative things." Finally, I figured out that she is not someone I should turn to when I could use some support. So I don't. She'ld be the last person on earth I'd call, no matter how bad I felt. I decided that a few years ago. I'm glad I did because those puts-downs used to only make me feel a lot worse.

This sister of mine is not a bad person. She likes to do nice things for me. She just doesn't have patience with anyone having emotional difficulty. She is very restrained in expressing her own emotions. I've decided that I can't expect her to be different. It means we're not as close as I would wish, and I'm slow to confide in her. Recently I mentioned to her a difficulty I was having with another family member. She started telling me how I need to try to not react to things. It made me really angry. I said, "I have to go. Someone's at the door." She accepted that readily and said goodbye. I'm glad I thought of a way to cut short her little lecture, even if it was through a white lie. Sometimes, self-protection means cutting off someone's access to you.

I hope you find tactics to protect yourself from others who think they know better than you how to live your life. First of all, that can mean letting go of the hope that a particular person will be a consoling presence in your life. It could be your mom, or sister or best friend - someone you'ld normally hope would "be there" for you. When that's not how they are - repeatedly - then you have to see their limitation and not set yourself up to be hurt.

We all need to be listened to by someone who doesn't think they have all the answers and the right to always second guess us. It can be a long search to find that. Sometimes you have to pay a professional for that non-judgemental ear . . . or post in forums like this. At least, your insight into this dynamic can make you more humane when someone else is telling you about a difficulty they are having.