4 days shy of 5 months sober. This is the longest I've gone since I first began using when I was 15. Never have made it this far and it hasn't been easy. Grief, abandonedment and life's other dishes it has force fed me; none of it has made this any easier. And I've never felt more alone. Sobriety feels like a prison sentence these days. And it's all too little, too late. I want to believe in it again. I just don't.