First off I’m not actually going through a divorce ( sort of ) so 3 years ago my wife had an affair with a coworker . It was emotional and sex. I found out through texts on her phone. It was so damn horrible. The pain was tremendous. We had just bought are home. We have 3 young children. I begged her to leave him and to work things out and eventually I got my wish. It wasn’t easy because I was dealing with the pain and begging for her back instead of her wanting to come back. Fast forward 3 years till now. About a month ago I discovered she’s having another affair with a coworker at her new job. She went to a man’s house I’m not sure what they did. It let’s face it anything could have happened. Since than I’m pretty ****ed up. I feel lost in life . I can barely goto work. I’m not even enjoying time with my kids. 10 , 10 and 12 yrs old. All that’s on my mind is my marriage and how I have been betrayed again. Our relationship is in the gutter. She says all I am is toxic. She repeats this like a broken record. I have asked her daily since she isint happy and has now cheated on me again to divorce me. I’m unwilling because I love her and want this marriage to work. Even though she is treating me like **** and cheated twice I still love her and want to be with her. Since she seen that guy , she ignores me, we don’t have sex, she’s emotionally checked out. It is gut wrenching. But here’s where nothing is making sense . I love her to much to leave so I’m dealing with the misery everyday. But I do beg of her to leave/divorce me . I do this so I can emotionally navigate life without this hell I’m living in. Her reply is if you want it you do it. So I’ll say I don’t want it but you definitely do so just do it. She says I’m not doing **** . Now mind you she makes literally double what I make. She can pay our mortgage and all the bills with one weeks pay. She is not financially reliant on me at all. She’s beautiful on the outside lol and can get men if she desires. So why in the world is she doing this to me ? Why is she being stubborn. She has said once oh you want me to file for divorce so you can tell people how horrible I am. It can’t be about her image can it ? My life completely is dreadful at the moment . If I leave her I wouldn’t be able to have my kids in my life in a healthy way anymore . I would need a 3 bedroom place and theirs no way I would be able to afford it. I asked if we ever broke up could I keep the house and she said I would have to buy her out. Again this is something I can’t afford. I am totally screwed no matter what happens . I love my family. All I ever wanted was my family .