Having a therapist who just listens doesn't do anything for me. It doesn't do anything to any of my extreme symptoms, make me feel better and doesn't comfort me one bit.
I really need someone who understands dissociation (and personality disorders) and will talk about it and how it destroys all the qualities in a person, imo (I've never ever run across a therapist/psychologist like this in 35 yrs).

And a lousy Resident at Johns Hopkins in 2017 said I had asbergers, didn't explain it all and didn't tell me how to get help. Another Resident did send me to Hopkins Autism Clinic and it was the WORST healthcare I've ever had! The Dr and therapist didn't want to know ANYTHING about me at all and were incompetent so I quit! (I really don't think I have asbergers - I believe that I still have residual effects from dissociating early in life.Still feel I have times where I have trouble identifying with myself and it bothers me a lot because I can't function when that happens.)

I've only had one therapist/psychologist the last 35 yrs who listened to me and treated me nice and she had me doing things like walking, riding a bike, swimming and I couldn't stand any of it (because of my anhedonia and poor energy) and it didn't help my mood or energy one bit. And she never told me how to manage my acute anxiety. All she said was "You have to manage it" and I had NO clue what she was talking about. And deep breathing never worked. (But for some reason last 8 mths haven't felt any anxiety which I don't understand at all.) So I quit therapy with her.

A psychiatrist told me to get a NeuroPsych test few yrs ago and got one and it was a horrible experience. The psychologist gave it to me over the computer and didn't show an ounce of emotion after I told her about severe dissociation and severe mood/anxiety disorders starting at 13 and that I've never felt the same ever since. (ALL questions in the test were extremely general like "I feel angry most of the day - Yes or No" and I don't know how she came up with her conclusions in her report.) Her 5-page summary only pointed out my problems and she didn't analyze what was causing my problems one bit. It said I "ruin my attempts at getting better due to negative thinking and self-doubt and have to rely on people and don't want to be independent and therapy failed because of lack of pleasure and motivation". Well, yeah! When you have a severe mood disorder most of your life you develop self-doubt, negative thinking and anhedonia real bad and lousy energy and you can't do or enjoy anything anymore! And I've been independent ALL my life (working constantly in my teens when I was sick and when I was on disability in 90s (while I was in a halfway house which was totally traumatic), getting an engineering degree, getting off disability in 1996 and working for Law Firm and USAF for 6 yrs, etc.). She added at the end "I needed to confront my anxiety with my therapist and in social situations and that I would most likely fail at doing this" and she said I had avoidant and schizoid personality disorders. The report didn't serve ANY purpose at ALL: for me or any professional involved with me (my therapist read the report and didn't comment on it at all) so I'll never get a test like this again and never go back to this place for help! (Their website says they have a "Compassionate Approach" and that it TOTAL BS.)

I've tried CBT ever since 1991 many times and it never helped my symptoms, make me feel better or improved self-esteem, self-doubt, negative thinking.

Last 3 wks I've contacted two dozen therapists/psycholgists in DE/southeastern PA and most do virtual sessions (which I tried with a psychiatrist and was terrible experience and seemed like a scam and ended up in Johns Hopkins after 3 mths) and I only got a few replies and none of them sound like they know anything about or work with dissociation or personality disorders so I've been hesitant to get back to any of them.

I don't know what to do anymore.