Your diagnosis was spelled out by the drs and the testing. You have wasted all these years and therapist and doctors time pursuing an imaginary dissociative disorder based on self diagnosis. You need to accept the diagnosis you were given by intense testing and look for solutions for that illness. You reject all help offered because it doesn’t fit your fantasy. You won’t get help unless you accept the diagnosis and type of help for that diagnosis.

I’m with unLuna. Gratefulness will be of great benefit to you.