I think you had a very natural response to this, because from an emotional perspective, you're tapped out. At this stage I think the questions asked of him have reached their limit. Showing support and illustrating consequences have not proven to be lasting detours to his addiction. Now its time to ask yourself some tough questions.

One thing I have learned in life is we can love more than one person. But its who we can actually LIVE WITH and be happy with that determines our destination. It's apparent that you love him and care deeply for him. But is distancing yourself from the impact of his addiction really fixing anything or just putting off the inevitable? I think your reaction from this latest event is offering insight into that suggestion. I have a dear friend of mine that I have known since childhood. We're both knocking on 60 now. He developed a drinking problem in the 80's and is now a fully functioning alcoholic that is high up in a financial institution. He doesn't handle stress or any kind of adversity very well, which is odd since he picked a job that gives him nothing but that. Perhaps it's a subconscious choice to feed the beast? I don't know. But I do know its beginning to impact his health in very serious ways. He's on all sorts of medicines for cholesterol and high blood pressure issues. And now he's developing new issues. Keep in mind this guy is still in his 50's and he's already facing serious issues. This could also be your husband, if he continues on the trajectory he's currently on.

What I've learned from decades of dealing with this, (and other issues) is that a person with a chronic problem eventually has to quit looking for answers on the outside and just decide that they've had enough. That sounds a bit too neat and clean for the drama we all put ourselves through. But in my life what seems to consistently play out is we can apply a process, a philosophy, or an attitude towards anything that feels like it's out of our hands to band-aid the issue. But in reality, the rubber never truly hits the road until we've exhausted all of the "fixes" and understand we actually hold the solution.

For your husband, he has to decide if numbing his brain is more important than his quality of life and his marriage. A counselor can't decide that for him. You can't decide that for him. And maybe peeking into his own future and seeing what its doing to my friend won't give him that answer either. But as badly as he wants that drink , he has to just as badly not want to hurt you or ruin his life and health. Its a choice. Right now, like my friend, he is choosing the drink and resting on all the excuses that have gotten him to this point. Those reasons are going to be putting my friend in an early grave and he has had decades to think about it. How long has it been for your husband? So now its your turn to look at the bigger picture.

Are you going to keep throwing process at it? Looking the other way? Do you want to take this journey to it's ultimate conclusion? You don't have the answers for him because he has to arrive at that for himself. But you DO have the answers for YOU. And my feeling is you'll accept those answers when you've had enough. But the question IS have you? That's where you stand.