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Welcome to MSF. I hope you find some kindred spirits here, as I have.
My diagnosis is severe major depression with psychotic features (also GAD and some OCD). I took the antipsychtoic olanzepine (Zyprexa) at first to get me over the psychotic breakdown, but due to weight gain issues, I switched to aripiprazole (Abilify). I take 20 mg per day.
What type of side effects were you experiencing taking aripiprazole?
It's scary to have a mental breakdown. For me, it was like I was in a tunnel in which I'd never get out, but thanks to meds, I am out. You will be, too! It's a matter of finding the right meds for you.
Personally, I wouldn't want to be without an antipsychotic. When will you be seeing the psychiatrist again?
Here is more info about my diagnosis (the only thing that is missing from the assessment scale is constipation which I experienced), feel free to share it with your team:
Psychotic Depression / Depression with psychotic features ASSESSMENT SCALE
Take one day at a time, one moment at a time, it does take some time, so be patient with yourself and get rest.
Take good care...