@Embracingtruth yes I feel very tapped out. The tears can keep flowing if I let them, but it’s exhausting and serves no purpose now. My husband is a functioning alcoholic that actually drinks way less than he used to because of me. Thats great, he’s no longer killing his liver. The damage between us is done though, and I have been traumatized by it. Without being straight cheated on I still feel short changed in life. The only person I know that I can live with now is myself.

@ArmorPlate108 I am trying to tend to my own feelings. I’d like to think that I’m doing a bit better than treading water right now. I am processing my emotions and also concentrating on myself each day. I’ll definitely keep the focus on myself.

@16PennyNail Yes there’s always an excuse if they don’t want to change. I understand now just how tragic and sad it is for some. I like to drink but I won’t have it in the home or drink around him. I can go weeks or months without it. It’s more of a fun occasional hobby for me where I don’t need to get sloppy drunk when I do it. He craves it on a deep emotional/psychological level where he needs it to cope, or numb feelings. He turns into a different person that I can’t communicate with when he does it. But I can still change my cycle of codependency and all my other negative thinking and behaviors.

@mote.of.soul I still truly hope that this is a journey of sobriety with bumpy roads but a happy ending at some point. He may feel like he’s making progress..even if he drank today(which I suspect) but I can’t see what he sees. I live my life by every day and not much more than a week out. Trust is gone. Ties feels kinda severed. It’s a family disease. I’ll overcome it. He has to help himself though.