There was no "old me" before abuse. First thing I recall is abuse. My life has been out of my grasp and I fight only to survive. I just wanna live man...
People talk about how they're finally "living". I want that so bad. Always have. I still am trying to figure out how to get there. So much fog all around me.
I've been in recovery for addiction and realize why I became an addict. My addictions helped me survive hell. It wasn't until abuse stopped that it turned on me and I was now attempting to survive the addictions.
5 months in and I'm so devastated by my life. I guess I always was but numbed myself from it. There's no numbing now and the rage is like a wildfire consuming a dense forest. My anger has been instrumental in maintaining sobriety, but crippling for my psyche.
I want the world to burn for the evil that has run rampant, hurting people I love and myself. I want to burn with it for the blood on my hands. How can I trust others if I can't trust myself?

"I'm committed to the lie that feeling safe is unrealistic."