@Lemonhead78 welcome to the forums.

I am sorry about the way your marriage relationship has become dysfunctional. The fact that your wife is cheating on you and is talking down to you says a lot about her and her character People who cheat like your wife has typically don’t change and they don’t really love and care but instead are looking for something to fill a void in themselves. So it doesn’t matter how much you love or even how much money you make. Your wife just doesn’t love and have the same values you have. People tell you who they are by how they talk to you and what they choose to do. So, believe them and learn that you can’t change them. It’s clear by what you have shared that your wife doesn’t have the same values you have and you can’t change that.

At this point you need to educate yourself so you can step away from the fantasy and see the reality. It’s important you do this so you don’t see yourself as worthless. A person with bad character traits can do a lot of damage unless you learn to see them for who they really are.

You also need to see a lawyer so you can find out what your rights are. Each state is different so it’s important to know the laws in your state. A person of bad character is never going to empower you or tell you the truth about your legal rights.

Unfortunately, we can love someone that turns out to be selfish with bad character that will never be a healthy partner. Sadly many miss important red flags and then begin to start experiencing the true toxic patterns others navigate with and they don’t value and love the same way. This is not your fault, instead it’s who they are as a person.

So first see a lawyer on your own so you can learn your rights. This doesn’t mean you are starting a divorce, instead it’s to learn your rights so you can plan ahead as to what is the best way to proceed forward for yourself.