@raspberrytorte - There are times in which (once im off my rocker) that I need something, as my entire world gets turned upside down/ inside out, where nothing makes sense.

Been in and out of therapy since I was 17 (will be the big 5 – 0 next year) and while thousands have been spent and wasted. Not once did any of it help – whatsoever.

I personally love and relish my manic moments. The high is the best ive ever felt in my entire life. Now if only that could be bottled up and sold.

I did try the whole applying for disability, however, due to be in the thralls of one of the worst depressions. Yeah, once the day came for a tel-health session w/ their counselors, I just couldn't do it anymore. Ended up walking away from it. It simply was far too much for me to go through at that time.

So to answer your question; no. I am not on any SSDI or Disability at this time. Personally, I would much rather be working. However, due to my bum knee and bad back (along w/ how all these issues affect my everyday life), I have no idea what I can do at this time within my ability to work.

Apologies for mentioning this (if you're easily triggered, by all means, please don't read anymore from this point on), however, I hope and wish to simply pass away in my sleep. Because yeah, this simply is not living.

I hear that, both my parents trigger me in such a BIG way. And yet, neither one of them give ya a break from the madness. It's only been recently my dad has came around to accepting I actually have issues. That being said, however, he still pushes the envelope (suggesting this money making scheme, to the next business idea) more than I would like em too.

But yeah, it is completely Night and Day in relation to opposite views on everything w/ them. Once had to talk one of my therapists out of having me committed. Yet then I made the mistake of turning to my dad, telling him about the whole ordeal. Only for him to turn right around, without pause, and said he's thought about having me committed several times over the years (which totally blind sided me and caught me off guard hearing).

I have had “that hope” of sharing and expressing with them about what it is I go through on a daily basis (lost track of just how many emails and letters I've written and sent my dad over the years). Yet to this day, its as if he's never read any of them. Which is disheartening to say the least, having invested all that time and energy in written, only for it to fall on deaf ears.

But no, currently I am not in therapy. Simply just sit here amid these four walls, watching the day languidly fade off into the distance.