There are times, with my dad, I might as well be talking to a brick wall. As it feels anything I say goes right in one ear and right out the other. After I was diagnosed, I thought everyone (family included) had “a right to know” who and what they were dealing with/ talking to.

Sadly, however, I did not get the response, albeit reaction, in which I had hoped for. None of my family wants anything to do with this (and I mean NONE)... I can't tell how many times I've tried un-aliving myself over the years. Apologies if that is oversharing, though, as ive found that can be a sensitive subject for some...

On the short end of the (depressional) stick, it may last a few months. On the long end, however, it can last for years. Think this last one lasted some 7 or 8yrs, give or take (of course there were manic phases, yet those were usually few/ far in between).

Covid absolutely wrecked me (though ive never had covid myself), was more of losing people around me. As well as losing the job I worked for the last 30yrs, lost my health insurance, my home, the relationship I was attempting to have after being single for 10yrs (which emphatically took a MAJOR toll on me, mentally speaking. Ended up losing 70lbs {though I wish I could lose all that all over again}, and became even more of a shut-in recluse than I ever have).

The business I was working at closed down, was forced to move yet again, then winterize a mobile travel trailer for that coming winter, along with being hit with debilitating hypoglycemia, due to all the extreme fasting I find myself lost in doing at the time). Never mind having a bum knee, along with having to demolish the business Id worked at for some many years prior (along w/ everything mentioned above after all that – fun times, lemme tell ya....... not).

All in all, I just wanted it all to end, yet here I still am (sadly)...... Again, apologies for oversharing here

I was put into a 24 hour suicide watch at the local ER here in my home town, back in my mid 20s. Been arrested a few times over the decades for my mania going off the walls bonkers (although I still feel I had good reason doing what I had done. Yet seems not everyone else agreed).

At this very moment, I would say im a mixed-bag of sorts. On one side of the coin I feel awesome sauce amazing. On the flip side of that same coin, however, im all over the place. One of the many joys of juggling multiple diagnoses I guess? Ranging from BPD (borderline personality dis, in case ya didnt know what “bpd” meant – some dont), bipolar #1 with rapid cycling along side psychotic tendencies (though that has more to do with the intense triggers and depression that comes with it all), PTSD – which could be argued to be Complex-PTSD, Agoraphobia, D.I.D. And Social Anxiety (which really horrible bouts of extreme insomnia, my average is 36 to 48hrs awake, to then crashing out for a long time, only to rinse and repeat. Been stuck in this phase for the last 3 months now).

This one is hard for me to admit here, however, the supporting myself right now bit I mean.... At this moment I am living in a furnace room in my dads garage (was cooking out the adjacent bathroom for awhile, up until my dad helped me build a kitchenette of sorts in the corner of the garage). Aside from that, he does help with $$ when I am in need of things. Aside from that, however, I do my very best to just live without and stay trapped within these four walls pretty much 24/7 (even my dad makes jokes when I do finally come out of my hole in house, though I dont find it all that funny).

The only person who will even remotely talk to me anymore is my ex. Sadly, we decided to call it quits (having more to do with me than anything), simply bcuz I just cant handle being in a relationship – as Im far too emotional needy and clingy. Yet she understands my past and has decided to remain in my life no matter what. Which to be 1000%, I am so (BEYOND) thankful for. I dont know what I would do if she didnt talk to me everyday, like we do. Aside from that, weeks (if not months) can pass before I will actually have a conversation with another living soul

Thanks for the (((Huggs))) btw.... (((Huggs))) back. That and, thank you for taking the time to not only read my post, but also replying back my comments as well (sorry for the too long to read replys back here btw). Hope you and your family are having a blessed and awesome sauce kind of day :-)