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Originally Posted by divine1966
I hope your time with your other sister was much better. You were there for 7 days so I hope it went well.
I find it interesting that your perception of your sister was “free spirit spontaneous don’t plan things person”, but her own perception of herself is “need to plan and have things in a calendar anxious when things are ambiguous” etc.
I agree with others about renting a car and getting a hotel next time. I also believe in keeping it short. Long vacations with family are only enjoyable if relationship is very close, healthy and stable. Otherwise it’s misery for all parties involved
I am glad it’s over and you got to do things in memory of your brother.
PS dang it, your brother in law…so rude… not talking to you, my sister’s in law husband is this way, not talking to my husband, literally ignoring, very minimal talking to me and we don’t even ever stay in their house. What’s wrong with people
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My time with my other sister went well. I was happy about that. Her two adult daughters also came by and were very nice.
Something above got miscommunicated. My sister was annoyed with me coming on a one-way ticket. She said she thought I was trying to be a "free spirit" who just wants to live from moment to moment and just do what I feel like, as my passing whims happen to move me. That was nonsense. My visits have always been well planned. I don't just show up unexpected and hang around till I get thrown out. I do not impose on her unfairly. I never have.
She seemed annoyed that she didn't know exactly what I was going to do. I had good reasons for keeping my options open. Life is teaching me that I don't have to make myself perfectly predictable to others. Guests should do that as much as they reasonably can. Sometimes you have to allow for unknown variables.
I think there was more to this than my sister wanting so much to "plan things." She may have been under some kind of pressure from her husband. It has gotten pretty clear to me that my sister's husband would like it just fine, if none of her family ever came around. He has seen very little of me over the past 10 years. When I visited in 2023, it was the first time in 9 years that I saw them. I had not traveled anywhere for a very long time. I was busy caring for my sig. other, who was in deteriorating health. Then I did not travel during the years that COVID was at it's worse. So I haven't been in anyone's hair in ages.
My brother dying was unexpected. None of us saw this on the horizon as something to be ready for this year. My brother left nothing behind. No money. No will. Nothing. I think my sisters and I cooperated in making reasonable arrangements for laying him to rest with love and respect. It was hardest for me because I had to travel a very long way. The arrangements I suggested made things pretty smooth for them. They liked what I had suggested and gone on to arrange. I did not know what I was walking into. My other sister drinks and can be a problem, when she does. I didn't want to be there very long, if that happened. It turned out that she was fine.
These two sisters of mine live about 150 miles apart. I'm just learning that they have virtually nothing to do with each other. It stunned me to learn that they had not seen each other, since I visited in 2023. It would have been kinda nice, if the two of them could have done a little joint planning. Then everything wouldn't have been so up in the air, when I got there. But no. They each had no idea what the other wanted to do. It seemed it was up to me to coordinate what they were doing. I thought there might be a joint family dinner at one of their houses, but neither of them was suggesting that. I'm getting the impression that they don't visit each other. They don't stay at each other's homes. It's so cold and unlike how our family used to be.
Since losing my boyfriend, I've had to cope with grief and loneliness. Sometimes I cope pretty well, and sometimes I don't, as my threads/posts bear witness to my ups and downs. I don't bother my sisters. I learned long ago that singing the blues is no way to make anyone fond of you. So I don't burden my family. Maybe I should better say "my relatives." They each have their families.
I see my place in their lives has changed greatly. I have to accept that and adapt. Right now I feel awful bad.
I've become so depressed. I need help.