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Just an up and down day. Probation was awful. I really hate doing this every month, it's sickens me. I had a harsh dose of reality today in romanticizing my relationship with my ex. That man had all his charges dropped and I have to carry all the charges plus a horrible criminal record. I really hate him. I just hate everything about him even though I know hate is a strong word. I battle with feelings back and forth all the time about how I loved him, but really was all of that really love, or just a codependent toxic mess? Just cried and screamed for most of the day today when I found out I may have to go back down to the horrible jail again to do fingerprinting and DNA. This will be the THIRD effing time they are asking for that. I did all of this nonsense the day I was arrested, and I just went back in April to do it AGAIN and now it's not showing up in my probation officer's computer. I can't take this crap I really can't. And that's a word I haven't used in a while, "can't."
My boyfriend is amazing though, he really got me through it. He reminded me I have a lot of people in my life, and I shouldn't go through this alone. My story is an inspiration to so many others, and I am living the life I had always prayed for now that I am clean and sober. But still, it was a painful day. Glad I was able to call some friends and watch a movie tonight. Now I am just talking to my boyfriend and trying to enjoy the rest of the night.
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