Quote:
Originally Posted by RDMercer
This is the oddest thing
This is what I知 feeling, not what I think or what I知 acting on.
I feel lonely, I feel like I知 missing her, I feel like maybe I contributed to this mess, maybe I could get through to her if I tried again, I知 worried for her safety, I知 scared of the pain she can cause me, I知 scared of the disarray she can cause, I知 scared of her showing up here looking for help, I知 scared of her destroying our financial futures., I知 scared that the kids need her and I致e contributed to the alienation
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It痴 good that you are able to vocalize this list ((RD)). I think others can relate and it isn稚 easy to step back and see the reality because it can leave a person to feeling very lonely and lost. This especially true for those who are loyal and really want to have a loving relationship.
I have a feeling that given that your mother developed a problem with alcohol you tend to see that challenge based on her. You said at one point that even though your mother was challenged, you knew she loved you. Your mother got help and fought this challenge. This is not what you are facing with your wife. Your wife is disordered and she never really loved you and she may not be capable of loving and caring. Also, when someone uses drugs and alcohol in an effort to regulate their emotions and insecurities, they stop maturing and gaining on their ability to develop healthy ways of dealing with challenges.
What I do know is that when I attended Alanon meetings the people I met were tired and lonely. YOU are not responsible for regulating your wife痴 emotions or getting her to WANT to get sober.