Partner I never officially ended it with, but haven't talked to in weeks, has reached out continuously with "I miss you." "Hope you're doing well" "Let me know when you're free to get together." "I want to help you." "I terribly want to see you." "When are you free?"

I feel really bad. I got close, I felt fearful and inadequate, and then I ran. We made plans for tomorrow I felt very much coerced into it with the constant messages of/similar to the above. From the get go, I didn't want to see them again, and I did bail on the plans, and I feel awful about it. They're pretty much demanding to reschedule and guilt tripping me (or at least it feels that way).

This morning I was obsessing about it in the shower and cried on the floor until there was no hot water, and cut for the first time in months. I know I'm pathetic. I need to be more reliable and less emotional. Maybe then I'll be able to be a person.

T says I have a lot of rewiring to do in my brain.

How bad am I for canceling?