Thanks everyone!

NP - that is rough! And to be honest it’s always something I’m sure a lot of us fear happening if we reach out/ accept the extra offers of support.

Scarlet - thanks, I am glad it makes sense to someone else! I feel similar, and I just hate the fact that I have to take up space to get what I need. I wish my T would tell me to ask for what I need etc. I had to discover all these supports were available by taking what felt like a leap of faith while in crisis most of the time. She never told me they were there but always responds well when I communicate that I’m struggling. Again making it feel like a reward

LT - interesting point but the problem is when someone says something like that as a suggestion as to where this is coming from. I just feel blank. We haven’t explored my childhood, she says I am resistant to it. It would be so helpful to be able to link this with that etc. but I seem to lack the ability to. Like the links got severed along the way
But it has me thinking and also realising that this is not the normal way to see it (the reward part) so thank you