I'm sorry you experience rolling panic attacks-that must be really tough.
You didn't ramble at all! Sadly, I don't have other ideas at the moment. My anxiety has never gotten to the point where I have a panic attack and I'm just learning how to manage anxiety with CBT techniques. Most of my counseling work before this has been trauma work.
I feel your pain about not knowing how to reconcile things though-mental health sure is tough to treat sometimes...