I struggled myself with understanding alcoholism. I learned a lot because it affected my life because it was present in family and my husband. Plenty of alcoholics can function while drinking, it is not just a falling down and incapacity issue one would think.
Sadly, many with the problem don’t reach out for help until they lose everything. Many even die of the disease, I have seen that happen too sadly.
My concern for you is that you don’t blame yourself.