@Rose76

I’ve said true things I’ve experienced. Yes I’ve valued what my therapist said more than my own assessment

That’s because I’ve been told, and felt, for a very long time that I’m at the root of this. Everything was ultimately my fault. The guilt I’ve carried for years has been overwhelming

Trying to come to terms that it isn’t is still hard, and I go through low points of ruminating and over thinking. That’s part of all this.

Yes, my lawyer suggested a psych evaluation and I spoke about that. I said to her, What does it mean if they say she has a personality disorder vs something else, like alcoholic dementia. It’s not worth the risk or the cost. The truth of what happened should be enough.

OpenEyes references alcohol use disorder. Like I said, I never viewed it as such, but if I saw all these things in someone else I probably would. She blamed everything on illness, physical pain, and the hardships of having children and being married to me

Interspersed with a some normal, and occasionally some really good times.

That’s why it’s “covert” I guess. And we’re left questioning analyzing and ruminating for years,looking for proof. That’s the gaslighting part.

I’m not trying to back handedly cast her in a bad light and me in a good light. I’ve shared my failings and sins.

If this is akin to online group therapy, then there has to be someplace I can voice the things I’m feeling and trying to sort out.

This is hard to stop thinking about. It’s hard to accept what this all means. I solve things. That’s what I do, all day, and outside of work. That’s my nature; to study, read, and try to rationalize things

RDM