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The bottom line is T let me down. I don't like that.
I know I am overreacting to this.

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I had these exact same feeling and thoughts when I emailed my T. I also thought stuff like... she is deliberately avoiding me... she doesn't want to deal with me and this problem... she knows she's sucked me in and now is slamming the door in my face... In my mind I had asked for her to care for me and was DENIED! I remember being both really angry and also feeling really stupid for wanting her attention and support so badly. And even worse, because I had expected her to be there for me and she wasn't. This was VERY difficult for me, especially because realized that I was vulnerable to being hurt by her. I'm kind of glad now though that I learned this lesson.

Sunrise, I really hope after a good night sleep your mind will settle and you will see a path to navigate through this issue.

You've previously posted that you have trouble venting your anger. Can you allow yourself to be angry at your T for not being attentive to you? Vent it by pommeling your sparing partner tomorrow. Then when you are totally exhausted maybe you will get some new insight into your problem.