I am so sorry you were abused, threatened and tortured.

Did I understand correctly that you were also abused as a child?

I was in an abusive relationship and I found meeting with others (in a structured group) who had experienced similar to be helpful... There is also CoDA.org which offers, not only in-person meetings, but online meetings.

You might want to check it out...

In the meantime, I've started EMDR therapy for trauma. There's that and also EFT-tapping which you might want to look into doing.

Stay safe