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Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal
I'm deep in thought this morning about the concept of a "good goodbye" in therapy. As in, is there even such a thing and if there is, how necessary is it? I wonder if because I canceled my last session and told her on the phone I'm not coming back - did I cheat myself out of something I actually need? And that's why I keep getting these every-now-and-then moments of missing L? Or would I be having them anyway, even if I had gone in and talked about how messed up our relationship got, and allowed myself the chance to say goodbye in person? I'm working hard to accept that it's a moot point by now, 4.5 months later, but I can't seem to stop thinking about it. All opinions/viewpoints welcome.
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I think there can be a 'good goodbye', it all depends on what is important to the client.
For me it's 'How' it ends, and 'Who' ends the therapy relationship that feels important.
If a client makes the decision / has a choice to end therapy on their terms, that's one thing. But if an ending is forced upon them for whatever reason, especially if there isn't sufficient closure as far as the client is concerned, that can be really difficult to deal with, because you never feel as though everything was resolved. Bad endings can haunt a person.
I'd say it was only natural to have occasional pangs (nostalgia?) and miss your former therapist, particularly if you chose to just go to a session one day and say "that's it, after today I'm not coming back." Even if it was your choice to finish, there's bound to be residual complicated feelings attached to it, particularly as you had a long term therapy relationship with L. Ending the way you did though, must have felt like the right thing to do at the time. So perhaps ask yourself if you could do it over, what a good ending would look like to you, would there be anything you would like to do differently.
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