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Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal
Thanks so much for that LT. It's helpful. This falls into your category of "suddenly blowing up and ending a bit messily". I think that Dr T had a good point about how you might not get what you want from a closure session with ex-MC; I think I would likely not get what I want out of a closure session with L, either, which is likely why I didn't ask for one on that last phone call. I suppose I just need to keep reminding myself that she/therapy was a very important part of my life for a LONG time, and give myself a little more time to let go. And also keep reminding myself that what I miss so much never actually existed (outside of my head, anyway) and because it existed in my head only, I kinda still have it, right? Sigh. Oh, it also helps to hear that Dr T said they're fairly rare, termination sessions I mean. Maybe T's don't like saying goodbye any more than clients do. 
Anyway, thanks. |
Glad it was helpful in some way! You make a good point if that what you miss was in your head, it's still there. I don't really think it was all in your head, what you felt about the relationship. But really, anything from your past that you felt can still be there. You can still keep the positive feelings, the connection, even if it's not there anymore.
With ex-MC, I went through a long time of thinking that, because of how things turned out, the relationship wasn't real, wasn't meaningful, that he didn't care about me the way I thought he did. But now, I can realize he did care in his way. That maybe it's not quite what I thought/hoped it was at the time, but it wasn't nothing. He made me feel understood, and that's still there.
From some things Dr. T has said in general about grieving (and I think you're grieving L in a way, as I did ex-MC), it takes time to go from just thinking about sad or negative things to thinking more about the good memories. I was also reading something similar yesterday in Carolyn Hax's advice chat about the loss of a pet, that it will take time for the sadness to fade and for the happier memories to be the main thing that comes to mind when you think of that pet. I think it's similar.