I think the thing about an ending in therapy is that ideally it is a part of the work - something which is worked towards and is a part of the form of the therapy. When the therapy is long-term, depth work, I don't think an ending is best served as a one-off, stuck on the end session. Endings are important, especially if we haven't had experience of meaningful endings in our life, and I think it's about giving that part of the therapy the time and consideration which we might have not been allowed in other places. So, for me, it's less about the singular last session and more about the loss of a whole section of the work and the relationship. Just to be clear - I am talking here about what might best serve the client, not the therapist. Sometimes cutting off is safest, but I think those circumstances are rare and it's hard to identify what's best for you as opposed to what is a repeat of an old, familiar pattern.

Two years after the abrupt and inexplicable ending from my ex-therapist where I was denied any ending, I am coming to see that the grief I feel is not really about her at all - not at its core. It's transferential and my sadness is about the loss, lack, harms of my childhood. I miss my ex-therapist but in my yearning, I am yearning for the love that I never had as a child and that I now can't recognise.