Just overwhelmed with so emotion. Really worried about my boyfriend, his daughter is not well, and I haven't heard from him all day. That's one of my biggest barriers right now, dealing with all of that. I don't let it get me down too much, because this is what it has to be right now. I fell in love with a man with children, so this is something new that I have to handle. I needed this time to myself today too because I needed to take care of me.
Met with the priest at my church today for his counsel, and I learned a lot. I am going to convert soon, probably at the end of the year, when there should be more people to take classes with. This nice couple at my AA group is also part of the church, and my priest mentioned that I should stick with them, which I am - I happened to see them at a meeting today and got one of their numbers. Also, after his counsel, I went to the church to pray alone. It reminded me of the times when I was in New York that I walked into a similar church and spent time there alone before my therapy sessions. It brought me such peace, and I felt that presence again when I prayed today in an empty church again.
My ex-husband's birthday is tomorrow, and it stirred so much emotion in me. I was debating on whether or not to call his mom and give my birthday wishes, but I decided against it. If I want to give my current relationship a chance, I MUST let that go. I prayed about it though, and I cried. It's been a while since I felt the presence of God, and it moved me to the point where I think I know what to do now. Faith is so important to me and my recovery, so I have to keep believing. Being bipolar tested my faith to the extreme - the mania was deeply rooted in religious experiences. Since coming out of it to a relatively clear sense of reality these days, I feel I can rediscover real faith again.