I guess they do these once a year where they do a three page assessment in how different fields affect your functioning regardless of how long you're in therapy.

It's not like I don't shower or go in with ripped clothes with anything more than a faded stain or small blots (but that's pretty much all my clothes when I have trouble drinking out of a water bottle). Have I probably showed up covered in sweat probably smelling like so? Yeah, but they don't always schedule appointments when it's not 90+F out. Did I see my case manager after going for a little hike last week and decide not to waste clothes I'd wear for three hours and go straight into my PJs? Yeah. I guess I have to avoid the park the day of my appointments too. Wouldn't want to get any dirt on me so I don't look like I go out in the community and spend some time in the ******* sun. I seriously have no clue how to put my hair in a way that satisfies them though. I'll mow as many lawns as I can this week so I can get clothes that make me "look like I care."

This was far from a wake up call. This was "you know you're a shyt show and we know you can't do shyt to care for yourself."

I swear I haven't been making choices as bad as I used to. I'm trying not to go full force into recovering because stopping drinking, b/p, self harm, causing conflict, etc and going into full time education or work, never sweating or getting dirt/mud on me in between daily showers, buying clothes every time I spill tomato sauce and with weight fluctuations, etc. all at once is overwhelming, and it seems like that's what they want. I'm finding things that work for me and what doesn't work--with no help from them.

I guarantee the two of them come here (got up to my mom's today), they wouldn't last a fccking day keeping up with me when I'm in my element (or just plain old the elements). Two skill sets (dealing with bears and power outages leading to no water or ways to keep your basement from flooding vs. not looking homeless when you are homeless).

If this is supposed to be a functioning analysis, I don't care about their stupid interpretations. I'm going to stay up here, help my mom out, and spend a crap load of time in the lakes and mountains.