So my therapist is officially going to be out 4-6 weeks for hip replacement surgery and my vacation adds a week to that time. I've not gone that long without seeing him in 18 years. I think the longest has been maybe 3 weeks when he was really sick. Even that may be 2 weeks. We had been meeting 3x/month for a while but when I got depressed in the winter we went back to weekly. We just tried missing a week and I didn't handle that well. So how am I going to handle 6 weeks?

I am so, so anxious about this. And it's hard to complain to him about it because well, it's hardly his fault. He is going to try to hook me up with another therapist, the one he's likely to refer me to when he retires in a couple years. Next week I'm going to have to make myself talk about it. We have a good enough relationship that he won't get upset and I know he really knows that this is quite difficult but we nee to talk about it. Maybe a lot. We've got 5 more sessions.


With the heap of meds I'm on my emotions are blunted and I can't cry. My pdoc has been trying to make some adjustments to decrease the numbness but the anxiety and depression got worse so we backed off of one change. That too is making me anxious. For 3 years now I've had severe depression in the winter. I would change to the highest dose Emsam patch and it helped, then in May or June I'd come off and be ok. Well, we decreased so I was using the lower dose 3x/week and it didn't work. So now I'm scared I'm maxing out the only AD that's worked for me. I don't want another MAOI because I am not good at handling daytime meds and I don't really want the increased food restrictions on those.. There are a few ADs that have come out since I have been on Emsam so I have things to try. But the other thing is that if I lose my Emsam patient assistance I can't get it back as I'm grandfathered in right now.

I'm just anxious. About everything. And I failed to convey this to my therapist well. I hate when things go like that in a session.

I guess i need to start thinking that in 10-12 weeks things will be back to normal again. That's not so long. It will be early fall and I always look forward to that time of year. It's not that long. I guess.